Today was a
big day. Our little girl had her first ballet recital and it was wonderful. She
was the prettiest Cinderella on the stage and I cried the whole time. I am so proud of her but at the same time my
heart is hurting because you weren’t here to share. A couple of months ago when I told you when
her dance was I remember you saying, “If I feel good I want to come.” Well, I was hopeful, but you just didn’t make
it. You tried your hardest, but God needed
you more. I understand, but I still ache
for your physical presence. She has been
talking about you a lot this week. That
is hard because she always ends her conversations by saying, “Emmy is in God’s
house.” I tell her you are and we are so
glad for you. The truth is we still need
you. You were our center and still
are. I am trying to do all of the things
you taught me to and be everything you told me to be but right now it is so
hard.
I miss my
best friend.
We have
accomplished a lot in the three short weeks since you left. Life here doesn’t stop. Sometimes it feels like I am in slow motion
and the rest of the world is speeding by.
I still don’t know how to do all of this without you. You told me to not be so hard on myself,
can’t seem to shake that one. I cry a
lot, but then what else is new. These
tears are different. I have never felt
such a void in my life and I think in many ways I always will. But, I will move forward.
I know it
may seem silly to write you a letter now after you are gone. I just don’t know what else to do. No one can make this better except you; you
perfected the ‘making it better’ technique.
I told you it was time to go and now I selfishly wish I hadn’t. I really don’t know what I would say if I
could have one more moment with you. I
think I would just like to touch your hand.
I miss you
mom. I knew I would but the reality is
harder than I imagined it would be.
I will love
you forever. You are my most favorite
mom.
Carole
http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/evamckinney/KeeptheMemoryAlive
Much love, dear friend. Much love.
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