Did You Know There Are 52 Letters in the Alphabet?

My quest to find my happy self has hit a snag. I knew it would, but I didn’t think it would happen so soon and be so big to me. I will say I am happier than I have been but my heart aches and my stomach is turning.

My babies are going to start kindergarten in a week. I know what you are thinking. Kids go off to school each year. It is just life. They will be fine, most kids are. They will blossom, most kids do. 

Blah, blah, blah! 

When my babies were born I promised them that they would have the best I could give them. Not stuff, but experiences and opportunities. School was at the top but it wasn’t anything that had to be addressed at that moment. One baby fought sleep and the other spit up everything and was never comfortable. Those were the things I focused on. School would be something that we worked on in the years to come.

Five years later…..kindergarten.

Let me just say this first, I don’t want them to go. I will be alone, they will be out of my sight and I won’t have any control over their safety for 7 hours a day, five days a week. I accept that most moms feel that way and I understand that this is for the better of my children. I don’t have to like it though. This is change and everyone knows that I don’t like change. It is too disruptive and makes my stomach hurt. I am losing sleep.

This is going to be a hard week. I feel like it is the last week of innocence that my babies will have. They have no clue what is waiting for them “out there.” I know, I know, it is part of life and everything they go through will help them to grow into the person they are intended to be. I understand every word but my heart still hurts. I don’t want them to go and I really have been trying to figure a way to keep them with me. They are barely 5 so there is always the option of holding them back a year. No, they are ready. I could homeschool but then I promised them that they would make new friends and I just think that if they stayed with me all the time I would seal up my bubble with them inside. That isn’t fair.

So, next Monday, we send them off…..maybe. We will drive up, take them to their class and we will drive away….maybe. Then we wait. We will wait for the end of their school day, we will wait to see if we made the right decision. My gut says that this school isn’t right but then my gut wants to keep them at this age for a long time. We shall see.

The bottom line is that I love my babies and I want to give them the world. Part of that is allowing them to spend time away from me. Part of that is experiencing other people and having adventures on their own. I’m thinking and typing those words but my stomach is churning and my heart is breaking. 

Obviously this is a two-part-er entry. I will end with some tidbits that we learned at “the school” last week.

In “the school” there will be seven kindergarten classes. This school only goes through grade four. At that time they will move to the first middle school. Parents are encouraged to visit but not allowed to go to recess with their children. Kids will be shuffled throughout their day, snacks but no rest time will be given. They will learn to count to 20, graph, how to conduct an experiment safely, the 52 letters of the alphabet (I’ll let you ponder that one for a bit), how to write two sentences when prompted and how to read a little. Most work will be done on whiteboards, very little will be sent home. Report cards are every nine weeks but won’t be sent home, email seems to be the way now. “Don’t worry if when you ask your child what they have been doing at school, they can’t tell you.” They will be evaluated, analyzed and tested at every turn. PTA is now PTO. I’m not sure what happened there. I do know that the minute I registered my babies I began getting emails encouraging me to “support” financially. 

It is a different world. I guess this is our new life.

I’ll let you know next Monday.

To be continued……………………….