It May Have Been Nine Degrees, But It Was the Best Time of Their Lives

I was sitting at a stop light the other morning and I looked over at the people in the car next to me. Now I don’t know what the reality was, but here is my take. There was a young lady in the driver’s seat and an older lady in the passenger’s side. I am sure it was a mother and her daughter going to do their Christmas shopping together. They were smiling and chatting away. All I could think of was that here was a daughter with her mom. I don’t get jealous so that wasn’t my feeling. I just found myself wondering if that daughter knew what she had sitting beside her in her car. Did that daughter appreciated the love, wisdom, company that her mom was giving her that day? I do this a lot. I notice mom’s and their daughters. I miss that. I have this urge to walk up to them and ask if they love each other the way my mom and I did. I don’t do it because one, it isn’t my business and two, I don’t want security to ever be called on my account. But that is where I am right now. I am wondering how much people appreciate their moms and how many of those people tell their moms how they feel about them. I am lucky. My mom died and I am one hundred percent sure that she knew how I felt and that I was and am grateful for every second that I had with her. How many of you can say that? 

Over the weekend my son and I went to the store to buy a few things. Cards were on the list. I pushed the cart up to the card display, my son had his snack and he was oblivious to what I was doing. I was looking for a special Christmas card for the second most special mom. What I didn’t realize was that to my right were the cards from daughters to moms. I just stared. I felt that oh so familiar feeling well up inside my stomach. You know the one, it rises to your chest, throat and then suddenly it is just pouring out of your eyes. I took a deep breath and said to my son, “I can do this.” He crunched his crackers. It became very obvious that I couldn’t do it. So I thought I would take a different approach. I grabbed the handle of the cart and made a loop around the display. That didn’t work. So I stood there in front of the cards that I will never buy again crying. I stood in Target with my son and I cried. I cried over a card. I realized that I had lingered a little too long so I wiped my eyes and left. 

It has become obvious to me that I need a guide to grief. I need someone to write down a list of all the things that are going to trigger my tears. I cried over a card! I know, I know. It wasn’t about the card. But seriously, I stood in a store and cried over a card.

 I didn’t buy the special card that I set out to buy.  So indulge me for a moment. I am not a poet and I don’t think I am a great writer at all. I can't go back to that card display so I will try to say what I hoped one would say.

From the moment I saw the smile on my mom’s face after you told her you would take care of us, I knew with the exception of the events, everything would be okay. I knew you meant what you said to her and the fact that you gave her such peace had meant so very much to me. You are the real deal of moms. You clearly know what you are doing and I am grateful that you know when to “mother” me. I am not an easy person to handle. I think the stubbornness I get from my mom. It has been such a shocking void and you have said and done just the right things at the right moments. I can’t tell you how many times I have hung up the phone and felt the love of a mom. You are Mom2. Mom would be so proud of you. So this isn’t a fancy worded card with a mushy meaning. This is just a daughter who lost her mom telling her Mom2 thank you and I love you. If mom can’t be here I am glad you are. I hope you know how much she loved you.

Now, I want to say outside of the usual, I have had a great weekend. My goal has been to work fun back into my family. That is hard because of the empty space that is always present. Every happy moment I have had has been shared with my mom. So fun comes with sadness. I think that is normal but working at enjoying myself has never been something I have had to do. 

This weekend we went to see Merry Madagascar and a local resort. It was a building full of ice sculptures. It was a nine degree building full of colorful ice fun. Oh and a slide. My kids said they had the best time of their lives. 

The next night we went to a little airport in our neighborhood to see hot air balloons fire up the burners in time with Christmas music. We toured the airport and were able to look inside all of the little planes. My kids said they had the best time of their lives.

Yesterday we went to a gingerbread house decorating party. We made two of the most beautiful houses I have ever seen. My kids saw a newborn calf, played in tons of leaves and “hunted” pecans. They said they had the best time of their lives. 

I am seeing a trend here and I like it. It may not have been the best time of my life, but it was the best time because my kids smiled, laughed and they felt it was the best time. I know every day won’t be like that, but it is my responsibility to try. They can’t be in charge yet so it is up to me to decide that we are going to move on, enjoy whatever time God has for us and live each day the best we can. I know, there will be those days where I am at a store, driving around or just sitting and I will be flooded with memories of my mom and I will fall backwards. But what I know now that I didn’t know seven months ago, each stumble is necessary if I ever hope to go forward. It’s how we learn, right?

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/evamckinney/KeeptheMemoryAlive