A Broken Toe, An Ugly Naked Guy and Nothin' But Time

Sometimes I say I have nothing to say and it turns out that I do. Sometimes I have too much to say and I can’t focus. This is one of those times.

A friend just wrote a blog about how much can change in just a short time. She is right. Change is the key word, the dreaded word in my mind. 

Just a refresher, I don’t care for any kind of change, good, bad or just middle of the road. Anything that upsets the routine, the normalcy of my little life starts my stomach to churn and my neck to stiffen. I wish it wasn’t that way, but I figure if I embrace it, understand it and work with it, I will be okay. Time will tell. 

I’ve written about time before. I think it is the enemy. The ticking of the clock defines every moment of our lives. We probably could all agree that there just isn’t enough time. Not enough hours in the day and not enough time to sleep. I don’t like time frames but somehow I seem to need them. I eat at the same time every day, get ready for bed at the same time and even take the dog out at the same time, (she sort of keeps me on that schedule). 

Time moves on and flies. We can’t help it, it is life.

Last December I wrote a check to a builder to get started on my new home. February 14^th of this year I moved my family into a small apartment (the villa). Here it is September 12^th and I am still in the apartment, waiting for time to go by. 

A lot has happened during this time and I feel like reflecting. Just a side note to my friend here. I would never in a million years ever compare your past nine months to mine. You fought for your life and you won. I have just whined and complained about small spaces. Today I am going to find some humor in my time.

Like I said, we moved. We began the long wait and the wishing for time to hurry up. February to July, someone was sick every two weeks. We spend a lot of money only to find out that the villa is the cause. I kicked the couch leg, accidentally, twice. The second time broke my itty bitty toe. My dog has peed, pooped and barfed in various places. I bought a Spot Bot. The air conditioner has broken three times.  I’ve been warned, fined and ultimately reprimanded several times for my son’s rock/stick collection and  for leaving my trash out (I believe I didn’t leave it out, they didn’t pick it up). My kids have seen drugs being used, an ugly naked guy and we are all bothered by the giants above. They have made friends with a girl who bends over and fans her butt when she passes gas. She is unsupervised. So far my kids understand that this isn’t appropriate. We’ve worried about a singing girl at the bottom of the stairs and wondered if the couple who only wear pajama bottoms are doing it on purpose or is that all they can afford.

We have had to say the least a comical time here at the villa.

Alas, our time here is coming to an end.

Time.

All it takes is a little time.

During our time here my kids have changed. My son has gone from a size 1 ½ shoe to a 4. My daughter’s speech has improved and both have turned five. Both have exited the pre-school area of life. I am sad. Both started kindergarten at a public school. Both were failed by the so called “educators” of that school. Both are still in kindergarten (a different one) and both are thriving. They were not given enough time by the “educators” at the school. Now, they have the freedom from time and they are being allowed to grow and to learn. Time has also brought new challenges, new experiences and new worries.  In the end, it is the things that happen as time goes by will be what have made them who they are. 

Time also means that we have lived through another birthday, anniversary, holiday and event without my mom. She is so very missed. A little while ago, my mom had another birthday. The second where she wasn’t here. That day was the hardest by far. I think time had something to do with it. We are in our second year without her. Next will be the third and fourth……it is just how it is.  I’m not wallowing anymore, I am just finding myself at odd moments thinking really hard about her. I think about her all of the time. I just don’t dwell. Again, I think time is the reason. I will never get used to the reality that she isn’t going to call. I will just live and she just won’t call.

So much has happened since she left this world. So much has happened since February. We are changing, growing and living. We are marching on with the tick-tock of the clock.

I am going to close this post with my friend’s ending to her post. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, had surgery, fought the evil beast and won. I think her words are more appropriate than any I could type. She understands time.

“Where will you be in 9 months? Where will you be in June 2014?
There are no guarantees in life, but my goal is to be alive, traveling, enjoying life, living & surrounded by positive uplifting people. I will NOT be a prisoner to my diagnosis. I am FREE!!!
How about you? Are you a prisoner? Yes? I'll pray for you...”