I Have a Shovel and I'm Not Afraid of Spiders!

I have moved. I am now, again, a homeowner and I am beyond thrilled. I love my home and the space and the lock on the bathroom door. I love the peace.

I want to begin by admitting that I am afraid of crickets, rats and mice. Birds are beautiful from afar. Up close, they are unpredictable. I feel that letting you know this about me is important because I am going to reveal a bit of information about a loved one that he may not want the world to know. It is only fair that I go first. I also want to preface the following story with the names are the same, the events are the same but I may have added a few adjectives for emphasis. You’ll see.

My house is quiet. It is a beautiful peaceful quiet that I haven’t had for 7 ½ months. We have been without television and internet for over a week and I have enjoyed the peace. I am exhausted from unpacking and emotional because I have rediscovered some hidden treasures of my mom’s. With that being said you will understand why one day earlier this week I decided to go to bed before ten o’clock. I have a new bed too. It has taken a while, but I am growing to love the Tempur Pedic-ness of it. The other night I curled up under my warm blanket and snuggled into my comfy pillow. The temperature in our room is kept at a cool 74 so I began my nesting ritual, tucking the covers and squishing my huggy pillow just right. All was right with the world. New house, new bed, quiet and I was finally going to sleep peacefully. 

I began to nod off, usually within a few minutes of laying down. Anyway, I began nodding off when suddenly there was a loud banging on my bedroom window. My husband said it was a light rap but he was wrong. 

BANG! BANG! BANG!

I jumped out of bed, you know the kind of jump where your feet don’t touch the ground and you fly at warp speed to where you think the disaster has occurred. I knew my husband was outside with the dog so that was my destination. Of course I had the typical thoughts of….the dog ran away, a coyote jumped our fence and mangled my husband and “if he banged on the window to show me the stars, I’m gonna show him some.” 

The backdoor is where I ended up. This is the truth as I remember it. My husband will disagree.

I opened the back door only to find him standing on the patio and my Chiweenie dog running around. Before I could ask what was wrong he said, (in an unusually higher pitched voice) “THERE IS A TRANTULA IN THE BACKYARD AND SIDNEY WON’T POTTY!”

Um…..you scared me out of my potential beautiful slumber for a spider?

I calmly asked where it was and I was quickly directed to somewhere out in the yard.

“You are going to have to show me because I can’t see in the dark and I don’t have my glasses on.”

Hesitantly he side-stepped into the grass and pointed about three feet away. “There by that blade of grass.”

Again, I calmly asked what he wanted me to do with it. He said, “I don’t know, I just wanted to show you. Sidney won’t potty because she keeps playing with it.” She of course was running around. I politely said “pick up the dog and I’ll take care of it.” 

I did the only natural thing I could, I grabbed my son’s little green shovel.

“I would get the big metal one if I were you.”

I knew what that meant so I exchanged the shovels and proceeded out into the darkness, barefoot and alone, armed with our newly purchased spade.

Two whacks and it was over. I scooped it up and then asked where he wanted me to dispose of it. He suggested my son’s bucket and I calmly reminded that it was not a trash can and that our son would see the spider the next day. My husband, in the same pitched voice said, “I don’t know, I’m out of options at this point.”

So for the second time, I walked without shoes into the darkness of our yard carrying our new shovel and the remains of a tarantula. Over the fence it went. 

The drama had ended, the near-death experience was over. I went back to bed.

Not much more was said. I was informed that our backyard would be incinerated soon and that all of the poison that was purchased in the “restricted” area of Tractor Supply would be used.

These events are explained as I remember them. Maybe a few exaggerations here and there for effects but in the end, this is what happened the other night when I just wanted to sleep in my comfy bed in my quiet house.

This will be continued because I have been informed that there is a plan of attack.

And FYI, it was a tarantula, I saw it and I disposed of it.