This morning I woke up, nothing out of the ordinary
happened. I got out of bed, got the kids settled in for their morning routine,
and began the usual polishing of my boulder with the Wet Ones. Okay, so maybe I
didn’t do the last part, but it is still with me and I am trying to establish that
regardless of how each day starts, my boulder and hand sanitizer are always
with me. Back to the beginning though. Nothing out of the ordinary happened
this morning. My kids were mostly nice to each other and things were moving
along at a normal pace when suddenly, I realized, something was different.
Right there in my bubble with my kids, my boulder, my Wet Ones, and Jake and
the Neverland Pirates was something I had not seen is a very long time. I knew
it was lost and most of the time I believed it was gone for good.
I found my smile.
I don’t know where it came from. Was it in the cushions of
the couch, under the bed? I don’t know the answer, it just showed up, out of
the blue for no particular reason. I looked around to see if anyone was going
to jump out and say “Surprise!” but it was just all of the normal players,
minus one, who live in my bubble. I didn’t say anything because frankly I
hadn’t seen it in such a long time I didn’t want to jinx it. So I just went on
like nothing had happened.
I am still terribly sad and I miss my mom so much but in the
middle of all this, I allowed myself to smile. I allowed myself to be happy. I
have been sad, angry and overall frustrated with myself for so long. No one did
that to me, I allowed that to happen. Yes, there were some extraordinary events
that took place and I am sure my feelings have all been justified. But I don’t
like to wallow. I just want to move through and get busy living. I believe my
smile showing up today is a sign that maybe in my little bubble world the sun
is starting to come up. I hope so. I have so much to do….I have to find 998825
more people to donate for pancreatic cancer research.
So, for anyone who is on the fence about donating, click on
the link and do it. I will even give you something in return. I will sit down
with my babies and their crayons and they will draw you a lovely picture to say
thank you. Just donate, send me your address and I will send you a one of a
kind drawing. I just can’t think of anything better….can you?
http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/evamckinney/KeeptheMemoryAlive
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