This is a “I
miss my mom day.” Not to be confused with the “I am pathetic, sitting in a
corner eating rocky road day.” I just woke up thinking about the details of her
last few weeks. Not the wonderful talks we had, but how pancreatic cancer
robbed her of her physical self. It isn’t something I let myself think about
much because I watched her go from someone who looked like my mom to someone I
almost didn’t recognize. I wonder why that is on my mind. Maybe it is part of
my process. Maybe it is part of my boulder and if I acknowledge it then some of
my boulder goes away. Well now isn’t that profound! No, I’m not ready for that
kind of breakthrough. I will save that for another day.
Today, I
want to think about the good stuff. Homemade play dough, birthday cakes made
just for us and her big smile. I didn’t get her smile, I got her eyes. I also
want to think about my mom’s best friend. You know who you are. My mom loved
her so much. I can see why. She and my mom were so much alike, I didn’t realize
it until the end. They have known each other for 54 years. I say that in the
present tense because my mom just relocated to a new home. We still know her,
we just don’t see her. Regardless, their friendship is amazing. I remember
going to her house for visits. I just thought it was the fanciest home ever.
Her husband raised earthworms, I wanted to move in. She and my mom weren’t the “can’t
make a move without each other” kind, they were the kind that when they talked
or visited or went somewhere, you knew they meant something special to each
other. We all need a friend like that.
The last
couple of weeks of my mom’s life here was full of stress for her. I think
there is a process that everyone has to go through to get ready for what is
taking place and ultimately what is going to happen. Mom was no different. I
grieved for seven months before she left. She was alive and still telling me
what to do, but the elephant in the room was huge and I knew the statistics. My
mom grieved on one particular day. It was a sad day and God blessed me with the
sense to realize what was going on. I tried, we all tried to comfort her, but
the fact was, she was afraid to leave us. She wasn’t afraid of dying or of
Heaven or the glory that was about to be bestowed on her, she just didn’t want
to leave her family. I understood. It was a hard day I will never forget.
Shortly after, her best friend came for a visit. I left to give them their
time. Later that day, my mom came in the room and said, “We had such a nice
visit. She told me not to worry; she would take care of you.” My mom was
smiling. She had peace and her best friend gave it to her. What a gift! What a
friend!
I am asking
for one more gift, this time from anyone who reads this. I am going to raise a
million dollars for pancreatic cancer research. So far there is about $1500 (I
still have some cash to send in). I only want you to donate $1.00. If you will
do that, I will find 99850 to do the same. My mom could move mountains, help me
move this one.
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