Who Sent That Picture Mail on My Phone?

I need a mom hug. You know the kind. The kind that says don’t worry, don’t cry, it is all going to be just fine. I can’t have that hung anymore and I am feeling low. What else is new, right?

Actually I thought I might be creeping up on the “I’m feeling better ladder”, then Wednesday happened. It wasn’t a special day or anything, just the same old stuff kind of day. I went to a class and then went shopping. I was giving me a day to myself. I was finished shopping and I was waiting at the counter to check out. I made nice chit-chat and my phone buzzed letting me know I had a text. I thought it might be work so I decided to look. That’s when I saw it. My phone said “MOM, Multimedia Message”. I am one hundred percent sure that my heart stopped for a second. I looked around, like there was someone playing a joke. Nope, just the store clerk, my phone and me. It was in that moment that I thought, and please cut me some slack here because I know this is crazy, that my mom sent picture mail from Heaven. 

What next?

I did the only thing I could; I took a deep breath and tapped the screen. Then I waited for what seemed like a really long time. Time slowed and the noise around me hushed. Oooo sounds ominous (which by the way is my son’s favorite word and I don’t know why). Enough of the dramatics. Really, the picture came up in a flash. It was a big flower arrangement. Bingo! All the pieces were in place. My heart sank. 

Cut to two days earlier. I received heartbreaking news on Monday. One of my favorite aunts passed away. I had not seen her in a really long time, but over the years she and her family were in my heart and on my mind. She had a great laugh; the infectious kind. They moved when I was little and like with so many other things, time just took over and the years passed. Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with my cousins. That has been a blessing and just for that (and the donations from a few) I am thankful for that awful social media. I wanted to go to her gala, but I just couldn’t find a way. However, my dad decided that he would go for all of us. My dad, who at this point in his life hates to travel, who lost the love of his life, decided that he would pack his things and DRIVE several states over. I capitalized drive because I wanted him to fly. I tried to say the things I thought my mom would have. “Do you have enough clothes, do you have directions, take your cell phone and charger.” He humors me. The cell phone is significant. The discussion there revolved around the fact that he really doesn’t know how to use all of the features and how he gets help to retrieve calls. 

Let’s move back to Wednesday.

Since my dad’s knowledge of his cell phone is limited, you can see now why I thought my mom was messaging me from Heaven. There was no way, in my mind, that he took a picture and sent it to me. He has never taken a picture with a phone in his life. I decided to investigate. No one had sent that picture. Strange. I can usually solve problems, but this one, well it just made me look like an amateur. I knew what the picture was. I ordered flowers for the gala. But who took the photo and sent it? 

Uh…..my dad! 

I know! When did he learn that skill? If I had just contacted the source instead of hunting around, my mystery would have been solved. No dramatics here, my dad knew the phone would take pictures because he “saw the round dot on the outside of the phone” aka the camera lens. He asked someone to show him how to take a picture and then how to send it to me. Ta-Da! My dad has technological skills that I knew nothing about. I am proud of him.

That was the beginning of my sadness this time.

You see, even though I knew that wasn’t from my mom, there was such big a part of me that wanted it to be from her. It wasn’t. I’m just guessing that texting isn’t part of life in Heaven. Childish thoughts, but for that moment, I thought my wishing and hoping had come true. I even thought that maybe it was something she had sent long ago and it had been lost in the “air” this whole time. Crazy. I am really reaching here and I know it. I should just change the name on my phone from Mom to Dad. …..no, I’m not ready to do that yet. If I do that then I would have to start working on letting Pebbles the boulder go. Nope, not gonna do that yet. I need those things, or do I?

I need a hug from my mom. Not going to happen though. How do I move past that? I don’t know. 

This year has thrown a lot of changes my way. I don’t like change. We don’t change in my bubble. Regardless, I see more coming at me and I am fighting to keep them away. They are overwhelming and I feel like I am sinking. My mom was always good at helping me here. She just knew how to pick me up. She would tell me that most of these changes are for the better and I should embrace them. My mom and I didn’t always agree, but she was almost always right.  I’ll tell you more about the changes next week.

For now, I will save the picture that my dad sent me. His first, and probably last. My dad is healing. I’m not. I wonder how he is doing it. We don’t really talk about that too much. I wish we did, but I understand. I love him more than he will ever know.

Theresa, Tami and Mary, time has separated our family but love always survives. We all belong to that club that we never wanted to be a part of. I am sorry. Our hearts all hurt the same and I can’t tell you how to heal it. If you have been reading then you know that I hurt just as much now as I did four months ago. We have the greatest moms. They both had the best laughs. That is what I remember. We will make it, because God is present and He knows what He is doing. I think sometimes though, he just doesn’t move as fast as we want. What we have to remember, is that our moms are laughing in Heaven, together. That makes me feel a little better.

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/evamckinney/KeeptheMemoryAlive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBq1E1gbPhY&feature=share